Change

Sometimes I wonder if I am the emotional equivalent of a hobo. It would make a lot of sense. I am among the emotionally needy. I am constantly begging for love from any source I think I can get it. I want a lot of love, enough love that it's suffocating.

Yet to those I beg, I am repulsive. People resist giving me their love to the point they are willing to be rude to do so. They spit at me, or hide their wall from me on Facebook, or call me emo even when they've been telling me how they want to fuck other guys while still with me. (Guess which of the three didn't happen to me.) Or sometimes they'll say sweet words of rejection to me because they have nothing else. If I'm lucky, I'll get a little love, but not nearly enough.

People say that instead of begging, there is something I must acquire. For the hobo it's a job, but for me they say I need to get self confidence. I say to get self confidence I'll need a little love to get me on my feet, it's proof that I'm not a total loser. But they refuse to hear it. To get love, I need self confidence; self confidence, love.

So lovelies, could I have some change?